Twenty-Nine Reasons

BTW, less twitter, more blog for you! I am eagerly awaiting your new post!

…texted a dear person in my life (you know who you are sweets). So here we go. I turned 29 this week. I also went through five or six days of wearing the same four articles of clothing in varying degrees of cleanliness: two t-shirts, two pairs of shorts. Plus, I daydream a lot.

29 Reasons Why She Has Been Wearing the Same Two Pairs of Shorts All Week

  1. Camping in Acadia was much warmer than expected this late in September, and she only brought two pairs of shorts for the whole week—necessitating one or the other to be worn every day.
  2. She is a college tennis player, and during double practices for preseason she’s dressed in the same pseudo uniform all day.
  3. She lost a bunch of weight since the summer began, and now there are only two pairs she owns that stay snug on her hips without a belt.
  4. Blindsided by a bout of depression, this is a time when laundry seems perfunctory and pointless.
  5. She only owns two pair—a blue and a black. Living out of the back of her car, even two pairs feels excessive on the nights she can’t afford a motel.
  6. Whenever she finds an item of clothing that fits well, she buys several pairs. So, she really has not been wearing the same two pairs, it just looks that way.
  7. Luggage got lost on her flight to South Africa, where she’s set to study for the semester. She is on an incredibly tight budget, and doesn’t want to bother buying more clothes, even though her bag won’t arrive for another week.
  8. She has a crush on her downstairs neighbor, and thinks that if they can just be caught wearing the same short one afternoon when they pass walking their dogs, she might have a legitimate reason to strike up a conversation. She saw her checkout at Sports Authority, and took surreptitious notice of her purchases so she could mirror them.
  9. She cannot wear her grey shorts (the sweat will show) or her white shorts (shows grease too easily) or her pink shorts (too pro-Komen) or her khaki shorts (not enough pockets), so she is left with her black shorts or her blue shorts to bike in to work at the farm.
  10. In paring down her life, she has been getting rid of extraneous and repetitive stuff.
  11. Her sister is home from six years with the Peace Corps and she has been sharing her closet–she has squirreled away these two favorite pairs and wears one or the other so her sister won’t accidently pack them when she leaves tomorrow.
  12. She is hiking the Pacific Northwest Trail / Arizona Trail / Continental Divide.
  13. A lifelong clothes horse, her boyfriend bet her than she couldn’t last three months with only two articles of each type of clothing (except underwear): two dresses, two t-shirts, two skirts, two sweaters, two pairs of shorts, two pairs of shoes, etc. She will do practically anything for a new pair of Fryes.
  14. She is a camp counselor and is too cheap to buy another pair of the regulation shorts.
  15. Her yoga ashram does not allow does not have a washer and dryer, and the only option to clean her clothes is to wash them by hand or bicycle 10 kilometers into the village on her day off. So she is rationing the contents of her suitcases to last her the rest of the summer, which means: two pairs of shorts each week.
  16. They’re her lucky shorts. She is hoping for some good news this week.
  17. She has been painting her house, and these two pairs are already covered in dried paint, no sense in ruining more.
  18. An actress, this is the first week of filming her new action movie, and the director is insisting everyone wear the same clothes lest the scene’s details be thrown off by subtle costume discrepancies.
  19. Her boyfriend has been drinking a lot this week and gets really aggressive. These shorts cover the purple bruises all over her thighs better than skirts, and it is too hot to wear pants.
  20. Her mother was transferred to a hospital in Boston for emergency eye surgery and she only had time to grab these two pairs.
  21. These are the only two pairs with inside pockets for her keys, and she is on the last full week of Olympic marathon training. The shorts are the only real clothes she wears–the rest of her time is spent sitting in ice baths and resting on the couch in pajamas.
  22. She is hoping to be scouted by Vince agents, so she is wearing all Vince clothing this week while she stalks their lackeys during fashion week.
  23. Its been too hot to consider wearing anything else besides her two pairs of short shorts.
  24. She is teaching gymnastics to teenagers at a week long camp. The air conditioner can’t keep up with the heat generated by 30 active bodies, so her athletic pants are not a viable option.
  25. She is 39 weeks pregnant, and insists on walking three miles every morning before the Florida heat makes outdoor activity impossible. Anything but her elastic waist shorts are out of the question, even at 6am.
  26. Her house was robbed last week and she is too afraid to go back to collect more clothes until her husband returns from his business trip.
  27. She is on an adventure honeymoon in Costa Rica, and she bought two pairs of special UV resistant shorts to protect her sensitive skin from the tropical sun.
  28. All of her clothes are still in boxes from their cross country move.
  29. She is preparing for her cross country move, and all of her clothes are being organized into boxes.

More than one of these reasons have been true for me (I assure you though, #19 is pure fiction for me). Currently, I’m living #29.


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