The Whole Scheme of Things

The biggest moment of life might be waiting to happen tomorrow.  Rarely for me does preparedness necessarily yield a satisfying outcome.  The special outfit I pick out for an important meeting may provide the confidence needed to walk tall, but in my experience, it is usually only after working with my head down and getting very dirty that important changes happen.

My husband just got this amazing job opportunity last week.  The idea was proposed on Wednesday afternoon, and by Friday morning all the papers were signed and hands shook.  When you know you’re capable of more than you’re doing, sometimes it is hard to sit still and wait for the next chapter.  Husband had been actively reading the first few lines of several new scenarios for a while, but some things were not falling into place.  And then, just after he’d decided to take a break from forcing change, it was as if the world sensed his readiness to consider a totally revolutionary idea, and jumped at its chance.  He’s moving South for a month to do some consulting work.  All the sudden, he’s incorporated, and I’m getting instructions about what does and doesn’t qualify as a business expense (bottled water, yes; diapers, no;, maybe).

Does change pop up for anyone else the same way?  We’ve been humming along in our little life for a while now.  The newness of being a family unit instead of a married couple is starting to fade.  Even though there are constant changes to baby Rex’s routine, I have anticipated them.  We have teething supplies, we’ve baby proofed, and the sandman is coming to repossess his yawns because of my huge sleep debt.  These are exciting changes–first teeth, first steps, first night of sleeping 8 hours–but expected changes.  The big things, like the conversation when I learned librarianship is a career, or the day Kevin mentioned the phone call from an old partner, those are the unexpected and brilliant parts of life that motivate me to keep working hard to get the results I want.  Change is one of the scariest things we humans face.  But without it, would we know that the spiky leaves of an artichoke plant give way to a delicious heart?

It is difficult to remember that the life I had two years ago was real–fresh out of grad school, planning a trip to Italy, not really thinking about what I wanted beyond pizza and sunshine.  Here I am now, planning my life as a single mother for the next month.  I’m preparing for it, but life will nonetheless be hard and stressful at times.

So please forgive me if posts are not as frequent or quality.  As usual, I will do my very best.


My thoughts...

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