Storied LifePosted: April 6, 2012
I re-discovered Story People tonight. I know they’re banal and quaint in 2012, but I can’t help but adore them. Most every single one speaks to me in a way.
After [her] father died [s]he carried [her] life more gently & left an empty space for the birds & other creatures.
The empty space that I tried to fill with so many other things than what I was truly missing for so long. I sought it high and low, swatted at it without ever admitting to myself what it really was I was after. So it stayed just out of my reach. Close, but unless it was true, it was not a real salve.
“It” is love. Its always been love (or/and: understanding, compassion, friendship, allegiance, fidelity, esteem, veneration, idolatry) that I’ve been after. I’m sure I would have sought it whether or not my father died when I was little, but I probably wouldn’t have quested so urgently without knowing precisely what it was I was looking for. Looking back on my life now, I can CLEARLY see that it was human connection I was after, attempts at relationships, friendships formed over silly obsessions. I chased it around Europe for a few years, looked for it on the other side of the Atlantic around New England and other cities, and then the hunt closed in. To Maine. Finding my life partner was a lot easier than I ever imagined it was going to be. I used to believe there is one person out there for all of us, and we’re lucky if we ever find our mate on this planet so full of people. But, I realize the world is a design, and perfection comes in the way our lives unfold as it does when we stretch out an accordion. Maybe a confused jumble of angles, paper, and colors at the beginning–but, just as we gain insight into our lives, we realize the things we need the most are right before us.
Which is why I know my husband is my destiny. I used to feel funny because I didn’t “discover” him. He was a friend of a friend (I remember hearing about this sexy sushi chef many many years ago). We all ended up working together. I believe the friend of my friend met him just to bring him closer to me. We are each other’s destiny. We are love, and he has filled me up completely.